TW: Sexual Assault

Republicans across the country have collectively decided to break rank with their party’s de facto policy of siding with sexual assault perpetrators and disbelieving women.

“It’s honestly pretty astounding,” said correspondent Alex Yang. “It’s very difficult to determine what’s going on here. Republicans have long stood by perpetrators time and again, except under seemingly random situations where they wholeheartedly condemn the abuser and believe women.”

Donald Trump, Republican, had 25+ women come forward, accusing him of sexual assault. Republicans brushed aside those women and defended Trump. Brett Kavanaugh, Republican, was accused of sexually assaulting a woman back when they were both in high school. Republicans overwhelmingly supported him and disbelieved the woman and confirmed Brett to the Supreme Court of the United States. Matt Gaetz, Republican, is under investigation for statutory rape and sex trafficking. Republicans in Congress haven’t done anything to indicate that they believe the women in question. And then there’s New York Governor Cuomo, Democrat, accused on sexually harassing several women. Republicans immediately supported those women and condemned the Governor for his behavior, showcasing incredible support for victims of sexual harassment and the #MeToo movement.

“I think there’s a pattern here that we’re just not seeing,” said political activist Matt George. “A skeptic might suggest that Republican support for victims of sexual assault is conditioned upon some other factor, but it’s really impossible to tell what that condition is.”

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